I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
