I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
