I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
