I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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