It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
