Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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