There was a lot of him and a little penis
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
