4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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