his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
