You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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