I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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