She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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