i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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