I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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