Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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