If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
