maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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