Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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