i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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