I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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