I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
