You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
