I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
