youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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