Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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