so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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