he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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