Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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