i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
