soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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