Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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