It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
