I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
