after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
