Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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