loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
