i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
