He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
