I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
