I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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