I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize