Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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