Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
