the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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