There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
