i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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