I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
