Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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