I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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