i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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