i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
