Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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