i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
