I want you more than these girls want KFC
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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