this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
