My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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