So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
