Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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