Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
