I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
