She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
