You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
