I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
