Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
