My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
