shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
