ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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