She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
