marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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