i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
