i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
