You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
