omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
