worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
